For those of you that are just tuning in, or Googled ‘spiritual enlightenment’ and somehow wound up here, let me assure you that Sunday Sermons here at Howefitz Blog are anything but sermons. Here I explore matters of the spirit in a way that, I hope, inspires thought within others. I am not here to tell you what to believe, and any viewpoint is welcome…

I regret that I need to start this post with some sad news. We recently learned that one of my teenage step-daughter’s friends passed away last Saturday. We don’t know the circumstances of his death, only that ‘he was found in the morning.’ Now, just that phrase sends a parent in to a frenzy. Was he in to drugs? Was it suicide?

We launched these questions at our daughter in fear for her before we realized that she had to be hurting from the loss of a friend, one of her best.

After calming down and allowing her to talk to her mother privately, I took time to reflect on death and what happens after we die…

Science tells us that matter and energy can not be created nor destroyed. It can, however, be transformed. My body will become dirt once more that will then nourish the plants. But that energy that once propelled my body and gave me the motivation to do all those things that I’ve wanted to do… where does it go? How is it transformed?

Of course, that’s where religion comes in, to handle those matters of the spirit. Some people believe that essence goes to Heaven or Hell, some believe that Heaven is on a planet within this solar system. Some believe that we come back in another form. One of my favorites are the Buddhists, who believe that once a soul achieves Nirvana, it can choose to come back and guide others to Nirvana. This is what the Dalai Lama is believed to be: the reincarnated spirit of Siddhartha Buddha, here to guide others to Nirvana.

So what leads a soul to so desperately have a need to try to destroy itself? I’ve wrestled with this idea on many an occasion. Being a person that has never experienced that feeling myself, I can’t possibly imagine it. But I know there are people out there that do, and I certainly don’t want to take that lightly.

I came up with this scenario. You can call me a romantic. You can certainly call me naive. This is something I thought could possibly be an answer.

When I was young, I had no doubt in my mind that there was one true soul mate out there for me. I also was pretty sure I would never find that person. Those rare times when I would hear of one part of an older couple dying, and the other following soon after, I would think that was the most romantic thing I’d ever heard. But I knew the odds were against me in finding that person for myself. What if my soul mate was on the other side of the world? If there is life on other planets, maybe my soul mate was in another galaxy!

I got to thinking about what we mean by ‘soul mate’. I feel that many believe that a soul mate is another person that compliments you. Someone that you are able to be open and honest with. Someone that is strong when you are weak, and together you make one complete formidable force. Only together are you unstoppable.

But what if it gets deeper than that?

How is it possible that our world’s population continues to grow if the energy that gives life can not be created?

What if a soul can be divided? What if what we perceive as soul mates are actually two pieces of the same soul that has been divided in to two corporeal vessels?

What if a soul got divided not only in space but in time? What if the soul could sense that it’s other half was missing, nowhere to be found?

That could certainly torment someone. Even though a physical brain may not be able to conceive of the notion, what if the soul is fighting for control, looking for some way to be reunited with that other piece, and since there are still no time machines, and as far as I know, ‘The Lake House‘ is fiction, that soul has to find a way, possibly a brutal way, to begin anew.

I’ve probably freaked a few people out. Rest assured, I’m not advocating any kind of violence, even to one’s self. I understand the dangers of romanticizing suicide, and that’s not my intent. I am just wrestling with ideas.

Of course, there are many more scenarios for twisted souls. What makes someone go in to a frenzy and start killing complete strangers? Why do we insist on going to war over religion and greed? How can one side win when both sides believe that God or their gods are on their side?

Of course, these are the questions that humankind has wrestled with since there was a humankind.

As for Kat’s friend, we don’t know his parents, and they had moved out of state before this happened. If Kat knows the circumstances of his death, she’s not being forthcoming. Frankly, this new age of deadly violence in high schools scares me something fierce. My wife are debating seriously whether our little ones will go to public school or if they’ll be home schooled.

Of course, I fear that putting ideas out there like I detailed above will add to the notion that suicide is romantic. I certainly don’t want to do that, but it seemed to work out for that Shakespeare guy…

Any ideas on death and the senseless taking of life are certainly welcome. I apologize for being pretty darn depressing this morning, but it’s all I can think about. The loss of a young life is a lot to deal with, whether it touches you personally or not. This is just my way of trying to make sense of something that, really, there is no way to make sense of.

In Christopher Moore‘s hilarious book, ‘A Dirty Job‘, his main character is a ‘beta male’. Moore describes a beta male as the guy that wasn’t all that popular in high school that, when something does go his way, he feels like it will be snatched away at any moment. The beta male’s imagination is constantly shifting to the worst case scenario.

I’m pretty sure that I am a beta male, and I have a pretty active imagination.

That’s why, on Wednesday, when I posted the ‘Super Dad and His Amazing Family’ edition of Wordless Wednesday, I took it pretty hard when Weasel Momma called me to the mat about a couple of pictures of my five week old son sleeping. In one, he is sleeping next to his three year old sister, in another, he is on his side, nestled in a blanket. Both pictures are abso-friggin-lutely adorable.

I think Weasel Momma agreed, but she utilized the comments on my blog and twitter to tell me of the dangers of allowing a baby to sleep on an adult bed with other kids. She reminded me that the best place for a baby to sleep is in a crib without bumpers or blankets or soft toys.

Of course, I knew that. I read the magazines at the doctor’s office. I do searches on WebMD. I almost fired back ‘He’s in the crib MOST of the time! Do you think I’m stupid?’ I wanted to ask what business it was of hers. But then I stopped and thought. I’m the one that puts my life out on my blog for the world to see. So far I’ve been fortunate enough to find kindred spirits that give me lots of encouragement and kind words.

Weasel Momma is one of those kind folks. The reason she cares, the reason she stuck her nose in at all, is that she is a SIDS mom. At this realization, my view began to shift. What would I do in that situation? I could only imagine. And as I mentioned before, my imagination gets pretty vivid…

Weasel Momma, I commend you. It takes courage to put these experiences out there. It takes courage to stand up and say something when you see that something’s not right. I thank you for your advice and look forward to more in the future. I also would like to apologize for any trauma I may have caused, inadvertently drudging up those memories…

Tristin, I apologize to you for not making sure that you are 100% safe at all times. Your mom and I would go straight out of our heads if anything were to happen to you.

When my wife breast feeds, she often lays down with him, and if he drifts off to sleep, we leave him there, thinking that because it’s during the day, and we’re being attentive, that it should be okay. Because Calli loves her baby brother, sometimes she wants to snuggle him.

At night, we’ve been kind of putting up with the bassinet, looking at cribs half-heartedly, but not with much sense of urgency.

Yesterday, I ordered a crib. It does not have a drop-side, adding stability and no pinch points! I’m not kidding, this changed my life.

Hoo!

I promised I’d lighten things up, so here’s a couple more snippets:

It occured to me that I did a lot of complaining on this blog in the past. I bitch about my job, my living situation, … but it occured to me that I hardly ever give resolution! Which, of course, goes against what I wanted when I started this blog. I want people to think that I am the perfect father and provider. I want people to weep when they read this blog, because I am so much better than them!  ;)  Alas, I am a beta male, and I have problems just like every one else…

The job is getting better. I have this weekend off, and I start my three days on, three days off schedule on Monday. They promise no more extra days, no more extra long days. I am completely optimistic about this, it will be amazing!

I mentioned it on twitter, but never blogged about my new digs. We were living in a two bedroom apartment and panicked about trying to fit a family of five into it. The week before Tristin was born, we moved into a three bedroom two and a half bath duplex with it’s OWN WASHER AND DRYER and a two car garage. There’s a lot of storage and a fireplace, and it actually feels like someplace I can LIVE!

On the online life front, I’ve started a protected twitter account that I will have more control over. If you would like to add to the conversation and not sell me stuff, (i.e. if you’re from dad-blogs) follow me @JustinMHowe, and I’ll follow back. If you want to show me how amazing it is to shove advertising down people’s throats on twitter and facebook, I’m blocking your ass.

Thanks so much for listening, I’ll be a lot more jovial in the posts ahead!

Without too much more drivel from me, I thought I’d share another of Kat’s paintings…

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On to my park story: Yesterday I sent this tweet:

I got a couple ‘Oh, how sweet!’ type of replies, with one twitterer even retweeting! But something bothered me about it.

A facebook friend said, ‘Growing up in the twenty-first century’, which echoed more of what I think bothered me.

In this day and age, we have to protect our kids. The days of sending them to the corner store for a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter is long gone. We have to be with them all the time, to keep them safe.

But no matter how hard we try, we simply can’t. They go to school, they run around the park, they hide behind apparel racks in department stores. I challenge anyone to comment on this post that they are within eye sight of their children 100% of the time.

So we educate our children. Don’t talk to strangers. We teach them to yell and scream if they’re grabbed. This is all sadly necessary.

I guess all I’m saying is, of all the things we do for our kids, the most heart breaking for me is taking away their innocence.

Check out the other cool guys and gals who participate in Fatherhood Friday at dad-blogs.com!

This day was recognized by President Ronald Reagan in 1983, following several high profile missing children’s cases. These cases included the murder of Adam Walsh, the son of America’s Most Wanted host John Walsh. John went on to found the Adam Walsh Child Resource Center. Later, the Adam Walsh Center merged with the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children(NCMEC), where John still serves on the board of directors.

I’ll spare you the gruesome details of these high profile cases, since many of my readers are parents themselves. I don’t want to dwell on bad news, but I would like to take this time to urge you to take action and prevent anything of this sort from happening to your family. Here are a few things you can do to make sure your kids are safe:

• This first one is fun! Take as many pictures of your kids as you can! Make sure that some of these are even in focus. Trust me, this gets harder as they age and realize it’s embarrassing when Mom or Dad sticks a camera in their face, but this is imperative if anything were to happen, to have a good quality picture to identify your child.
• Make sure you keep child IDs updated. You can find great child ID kits at My Precious Kid.



• Make sure your kids know not to talk to strangers unless you’re right there with them. If someone does try to abduct them, teach them to kick, scream, pull away, and otherwise attract attention. According to the NCMEC, 88% of attempted child abductions are thwarted by the kids’ own actions.
• Teach your children how to call 911.
• There’s safety in numbers, if your kids walk to school, make sure they have a buddy with them.

These are just a few of the things that you can do to keep your child safe. My hope is that as you’re grilling hot dogs and hamburgers, enjoying the big summer kickoff, that you take a moment to remember those that have served our country so that we may lead free and wonderful lives. I also hope that you enjoy your family, and take a moment to praise your family’s safety. Do those things that will keep you safe.

This blog entry is part of a larger event found at Bloggers Unite. Be sure to check out the other participants!

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