Howefitz Blog

Good morning and Happy Fatherhood Friday to everyone! I am very excited to have my good friend, Ron Mattocks, author of the wildly popular fatherhood memoir, Sugar Milk, here for a guest post. Ron’s alias is also Clark Kent of Clark Kent’s Lunchbox, and since you never tug on Superman’s cape, I am going to quickly step aside and let him explain why he’s here:

An Idiot’s Guide To Australia

When I found out that Justin’s step-daughter Kat had earned the chance to visit Australia as part of People to People’s Student Ambassador Program, I thought wow, that’s pretty darn cool. What a wonderful opportunity for a young adult to experience the bigger world and export good will to such a culturally rich country like Australia. Almost makes me kind of jealous.

Australia is, like, one of my most favorite countries in the world, right next to Chad and Turkmenistan (they really don’t get enough credit). In fact, you might even consider me something of an expert on the topic given my Wikipedia-like knowledge of the place. So, for Kat and all you readers who might one day visit, here’s a few tidbits that might prove to be useful during your trip.

Australia lies in the Southern Hemisphere, which is why it’s winter occurs during our summer and vice versa. (It’s also why the toilets spin in the opposite direction after you flush.) It is the smallest of the continents in land mass, and boasts a population of an estimated 22 million people who reside primarily near the mainland state capitols.

The earliest inhabitants of Australia were known as Umpa Lumpas, and they can still be found living in the bush country of the island’s interior. Umpa Lumpas are typically small in stature and enjoy singing, dancing and playing instruments such as the didgeridoo. They are also well known for their mastery in making fine confectionaries. (Their Everlasting Gobstoppers are to die for.)

This wild area, commonly referred to as “the outback,” is also where Danish Baroness Karen von Blixen-Finecke established a coffee plantation in 1913 which later, using the pen name Isak Dineson, she wrote about in her now famous memoir entitled Out of Africa.

Schwarzenegger was quoted as saying, "Good on ya, extra prisonahs!" as he saluted the early Australian colonists.

Following its discovery by Sir Isaac Newton, Australia was colonized by convicts and felons who had been freed under California Governor Arnold Schwartzenegger’s early release initiative aimed at reducing prison over-crowding. Australia remained a colony until 1986 when humble, screen actor Paul Hogan using the alias, “Crocodile Dundee,” led a successful rebellion resulting in Australia’s birth as a Commonwealth. His rallying war cry, “That’s not a knife. This is a knife!” became the country’s official motto.

Crocodile Dundee ruled benevolently until 2001 when his popularity began to wane following an adventurous visit to Los Angeles. Eventually he handed the responsibility over to his charismatic nephew, Steve Irwin the Crocodile Hunter, who sadly was killed by a mentally unstable stingray with a strange obsession for Jodie Foster. Currently Australia is presided over by the Crocodile Hunter’s daughter, the much beloved Bindi Sue.

Let’s see, what else? Oh, the country’s national anthem is, “I Come From a Land Down Under” written by the patriotic group Men At Work who were inspired by the sight of the Australian flag still flying over the capitol, Sidney, after invading Californians tried to burn the city to the ground.

Economically, Australia is very solid. Their chief exports are shrimp, barbies and an odd-looking shoe known internationally as Crocs which were modeled after the bill of a duck-billed platypus.

Australia’s cultural influence has had a great impact on the world, especially here in the United States. Few realize, for example, that in 1989 an exchange student from Melbourne attending the University of Texas at Nacogdoches taught fellow classmates how to crush over-sized beer cans on their forehead which lead to a national craze in fraternities all across America.

We can also be thankful for Australia’s artistic contributions which includes a long list of unparalleled actors and actresses such as Errol Flynn, Hugh Jackman, Heath Ledger, Nicole Kidman, and Tina Turner whose breakout performance in Mad Max: Beyond Thunderdome has become legendary. Also worth noting is the interpretative dance troupe Thunder From Down Under, now one of Las Vegas’ top shows, and a must see for any family that gets the chance.

I could probably go on, but at this point, I think it would only be seen as bragging. Besides this is more than enough for Kat to use in impressing the great people of the Australian Commonwealth. I hope it serves her well. (*see note)

One more thing. In support of Kat’s trip, I’d like to donate a copy of my book Sugar Milk which is filled with even more fun facts about, not just Australia, but for Chad and Turkmenistan as well. At the end of this post, Justin will explain how you can win a copy of this very handy book by helping Kat with her needs for the trip. I’m thinking she will make a way better ambassador to Australia than I ever would. Your support will be greatly appreciated I’m sure. Thank you.

*Note: This post has been thoroughly denounced by the Australian Department of Tourism.

W O W! Thanks, Ron!

So. How can you get your very own autographed copy of Sugar Milk? How can you win the book that founder of The Good Men Project Tom Matlack said ‘captures the real American Man of 2010, and the American family, with honesty and humor not found in the stick figure portrayals so prevalent in popular culture.’? Keep reading and I’ll tell you!

• Donate to Kat’s trip. Yes, I am asking for money, but you decide the amount. $1, $5, $10, more. It’s all good. Each donation earns you an extra entry in to the contest. Simply use the Chip-In button on your right. If you have already donated, thank you very much, you’re already entered.
• Bonus Points (be sure to let me know in the comments after you complete each entry):
  • Share and share alike: Share the contest on twitter with a tweet that sounds something like ‘I just helped a smart kid get to Australia, and got a chance to win an autographed copy of Sugar Milk! You can too! http://su.pr/1MLwsW‘
  • Blog Australia: Write your own blog entry about Australia and why you support Kat’s ambassadorship. Post the link in the comments here.
  • Give us some sugar: Have you read and reviewed Sugar Milk? Post a link to your review here in the comments and let others know why they NEED to own this book!
  • Stumble and Digg! Stumble or Digg this post and comment here. If you followed the su.pr link, there’s already a like button at the top of your screen! Easy!

I’ll end this giveaway on Thursday, May 27. I’ll use random.org to choose the winner, and announce the winner here next Fatherhood Friday!

I’d like to thank you all for your help. A very special thanks goes to Ron Mattocks for the donation of the book, and the amazing guest post. You’re the best!

This post brought to you by Dad-Blogs' FatherHood Friday. Be sure to swing by for all the other great Dads and Moms who love to share their lives online!

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